Friday, November 15, 2013

Bits and Pieces: 2013 Edition

The following are reminiscent of the stories I think I tell quite frequently. You may recognize similarities between this post and my reports on the day if you've had the misfortune to have hung out with me before. By that I mean that most of them are funny or at least interesting in context, to me, and I feel obligated to try to share them, but I know that most of them probably aren't entertaining to anyone...except me.

*I gave out the rubric to an assignment and told the students, "You need to bring this rubric on the day that this assignment is due. And if you lose it, you can download it from school website...but print it double-sided! Save paper!" When I got the assignments back, one kid had lost his rubric, so he'd printed out a rubric from the school website. I found that he'd failed to print the document out double-sided but that he had glued the two pieces of paper together to make it look like he'd printed it out double-sided.

*A while back some couchsurfer was going to come to Beijing from Hong Kong, but then: "I cancel my backpacker trip to join the tour, will not able to hang out anymore. Because I am too scary about steal kidneys news in Shenzhen."

*A coworker of mine went on, via school bus, a Saturday field trip to a migrant school with students and other teachers from the school we work at. On the bus ride home, she went to the back seat of the bus and took a nap. The school bus arrived back at the school and dropped everyone off, but she didn't wake up and no one noticed her. Then the bus left the school and went to the school bus parking lot, near Chaoyang Park, eight kilometers away, from whence she texted me, "I fell asleep on the bus and now I'm in Liangmaqiao :-("

*While co-teaching a class with the aforementioned sleepy coworker, I confiscated one of those rubber gloves doctors use that had been filled with water, frozen, applied by an eighth grader to his injured hand, melted, and then played with as a hand-shaped water balloon. I had the watery glove but threw it to the coworker, who absentmindedly played with it for a while. Near the end of class she walked over to where I was standing next to my computer, when suddenly she squeezed the balloon a bit too hard and it exploded all over my computer and all over me.

*We were talking about metaphors and similes in a low-achieving class, and I used myself as an example several times: "Mr. Haggar is like a pig, Mr. Haggar's house is a zoo, Mr. Haggar is monkey." Then the students wrote some of their own. After hearing several duds, I said, "Alright, one last example," and called on a quiet girl in the back. She smirked modestly and said, "My monkey is like Mr. Haggar's beard."

*An e-mail from my inbox:


*Some sample sentences and extracts:
"In my experience one of my neighbors got rubbed by a rubber."
"If they had a gun, could they protect themself and even their house from being rubbed?"
"The interpreter of human to animals earns a lot of money."
"Mike became a fugitive when Mr. Haggar ask for the homework."

*Some fill-in-the-blank vocabulary sentences:
The best place to find nymphs is ___E10H homeroom!!!____.
One way we knew Grace had sophistication was ___her pale face and her irregular breathing___.
The best cure for illiteracy is ___to have it beat out of you___.

*Some kids dancing on their chairs in class:



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