Hopeless Christmas Addict: I hope so.
Grinchy Host: Okay then. So you came in wondering a great many things about Christmas in China, no doubt, no doubt. Tell us, then: have you discovered anything?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: Hmm. Even though there are Christmas lights and Christmas trees up all over the place, the Chinese population doesn't seem celebrate the season that much. The people I have talked to who don't work at my school don't get days off, nor do they do the whole gift-giving thing.
Grinchy Host: Well, you work at an international school...does this sentiment, or lack thereof, also reign supreme at Beijing World Youth Academy?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: Ha. No. We at the school forced Christmas on everyone within a ten-block radius. Maybe fifteen blocks, even.
Grinchy Host: How? What did you do, pray tell?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: Where to start? The best part of the celebration is a 39-day vacation between December and January. There's no way to top that.
Grinchy Host: I suppose not, I suppose not. But that has hardly begun, correct? What did you do before that? Did you make your students celebrate, those little wenches?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: Yeah, yeah, yeah we did. There was a homeroom decorating contest; the best-looking room received a pizza party. And you know how pizza goes over with kiddies. So we took a homeroom period or two to make the room look nice, and some kids stayed after school to gussy A403 up a bit, and, in the end, it looked pretty good, I have to say.
Grinchy Host: Spectacular! Top drawer! Did you win?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: You know, we didn't. We got second place. But I guess that means we still beat a lot of other homerooms.
Grinchy Host: Indeed, indeed. So that was the extent of your Christmas promotion with the youth?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: No, no, don't be absurd...why decorate a classroom if you are not going to have a party in it? We had a big Christmas bash on the Friday before school got out: Christmas music, presents, snacks, balloons...the whole nine yards. Jealous kids from other homerooms came by to peek their li'l noses in, even!
Grinchy Host: How nice! Your room must have been most bustling place in the building!
Hopeless Christmas Addict: No, no...actually, there was a massive dance party going on two doors down from us, and I peeked my own li'l nose in there and ended up dancing myself. But our party was solid, and we made a huge mess, and that is what is important.
Grinchy Host: Quite true, quite true. And that was the extent of your Christmas at school?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: Heck, no. There were a million other things, the main one being the December Talent Show. The whole school turned out for this momentous performance. It was so big we couldn't even have it at the school; everyone took a bus over the Heaven and Earth Theater in Dongzhimen, practiced all morning, and then cut loose all afternoon. Good times!
Grinchy Host: What sorts of performances do you mean?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: Mmm. There was a short play, various musical performances, and a vast array of dances.
Grinchy Host: Did you act, play, or dance?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: No, but I had to be Santa.
Grinchy Host: You are not fat and you are not jolly, though.
Hopeless Christmas Addict: I have a beard.
Grinchy Host: Indeed. So it sounds like everything you all did was for your students. How nice.
Hopeless Christmas Addict: Not entirely accurate. The teachers had a wicked good meal at some barbecue restaurant. Delicious and paid for.
Grinchy Host: So all the teachers just sat around eating all evening? How mundane!
Hopeless Christmas Addict: Not so, not so! There were gifts being literally thrown at people. I got some toilet paper.
Grinchy Host: Toilet paper being thrown at people. Well, I just don't know what to make of that. What kind of school is this?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: A very giving one. There were also gifts you'd never consider wiping your butt with, like the one my Secret Santa got me: a Lonely Planet guide book!
Grinchy Host: Stupendous! You are quite a lucky young chap. What did you buy for your Secret Santa victim?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: Soap.
Grinchy Host: So, another gift that one could consider wiping one's butt with. Well, that's very good 'n' all, but don't you think that you concentrated too much on school when you perhaps should have been focusing on your friends and family during this holiday season?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: I understand how you could see it that way, but: no. I had a Christmas party at my house.
Grinchy Host: (long pause). You?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: Yes.
Grinchy Host: But...you? You...you don't shower! And...you don't shave! And...you are thrifty! How could you have thrown a Christmas party?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: Some call it a miracle on Guangshun Beida Street.
Grinchy Host: Har har. Tell me, what did this so-called Christmas party entail?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: Well, we ate at this Korean restaurant across from my house first -
Grinchy Host: So you didn't even throw the party at your own house! You sick fiend.
Hopeless Christmas Addict: Wait, wait, wait. Then we went to my apartment and indulged in blueberry potato chips, chocolatey snacks, a white elephant gift giving, a visit from Santa Claus, and “Home Alone.”
Grinchy Host: Ah, “Home Alone.” You enjoy that movie a bit too much, don't you?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: I have watched it every year for the past five Christmases, and I will watch it next year, too.
Grinchy Host: Interesting. What gift did you receive at this allegedly “party”?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: This stuffed animal sheep thing. I don't really know what to do with it. But it is sort of cute.
Grinchy Host: Very good, very good indeed. Enjoy it. Now that all that is over, what exactly do you plan to do with the rest of your hideously long break?
Hopeless Christmas Addict: Date a different woman at a different restaurant every evening.
Grinchy Host: Good luck.
Hopeless Christmas Addict: Yeah, actually, I have a Skype date with my family on Saturday, a Christmas dinner on Sunday with another family from my school, and then on Tuesday I am leaving Beijing for a trek through some different parts of Asia.
Grinchy Host: Interesting! Very good! Well, I hope you have loads of fun, simply loads of fun, ol' boy! Thank you for chatting with me for a spell. And happy holidays!
Hopeless Christmas Addict: Yeah. Ho, ho, ho.
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