Bits and Pieces: September, October, and November Edition

*DISCLAIMER*

The following is reminiscent of the stories and anecdotes I think I tell quite frequently. You may recognize similarities between this post and my reports on the day if you've had the misfortune to have hung out with me before. By that I mean that most of them are funny in context, to me, and I feel obligated to try to share them, but I know that most of them probably aren't actually humorous to anyone except me, and maybe other teachers, because they are almost exclusively from the writing and/or mouths of students.

*We did a Venn diagram in class, and then months later I happened to see the Venn from one kid's notebook, and it was labeled "Venn Death Gram."

*From some paper about the book "Hatchet": "We know that the shelter Brian made is sound and safe, so beasts cannot attack him while he is sleeping."

*From some paper about what the kid did last summer: "We reached Thailand, we had dinner, we ate marine products."

*A student-generated question for a speaking activity (I felt bad for the kid who got this question and had to answer it): "My boyfriend leave me and find another boy. What should I do?"

*Miss April and I were going to model how to do impromptu speeches, so we had the students generate topics for us to speak on. Two stuck out well enough that I kept them and have them on my lap while I write this. One slip of paper says, predictably, "Mr. Haggar is disgusting." Most of them were like that, ripping on the school or on the teachers or on other students, or at least were related to things that everyone could relate to, but the other tickled my fancy more, so I will keep it longer than I will keep the one that says "Mr. Haggar is disgusting." The second paper says, "Disney characters should be hunted down."

*I e-mailed one class an assignment and told them to e-mail it back to me completed (go green!)(no, no...I just didn't have time to print the assignment out). One student finished it and e-mailed it to me. I checked it, as I did hundreds of others, and wrote back, "Great job, you got them all right. Keep it up!" She e-mailed me back: "Yo, you r not bad too. You don't have spelling and grammar mistake in questions. Well done, continue. good night, cya tomorrow."

*The last question on a reading exam earlier in the year asked for two words that could best be used to describe the main character. One student wrote: "Nice! Good! Perfect! No words can describe him!"

*I was walking along and ran into one of my students whose English level is quite low, and I said, "Hey, dude. Uh, tell me somethin' good." He paused briefly and then said excitedly, "Teacher, you are young. You can enjoy your life!" And then we parted ways.

*The students write journal entries at the beginning of every class period. I usually give them a topic. Here are a few of the topics and some of the lines that struck me as memorable.

1. What are you really, really, ridiculously good at?
a) I am good at late.
b) The thing that I am really, really, really ridiculously great at is staying on my bed.
c) I think I’m very good at cheating. I’m very success to being a cheater, too, because I never fail to cheat, the teacher never know how I cheat and when I cheat.
d) Yoyo.
e) I’m awesome at slapping people with pizzas.
f) I am really good at getting to sleep fastly.
g) I’m good at getting girls’ phone number.

2. What do you suck at?
a) I’m terrible at singing sounds.
b) I am terrible at doing “rock, paper, scissors.”
c) I’m bad at chewing things.

3. How do you want to die?
a) I want to be killed by atom bomb.
b) I would like to die by the women’s hug.

4. Write a story that starts like this: It was a dark and stormy night. Thunder crashed, and lightning lit up the sky. Martha shuddered at what she saw.
a) Mr. O’Day!***
b) Her tea was gone cold and she was wondering why she got out of the bed. The morning cloud took her window. She can't see at all. Even though she could, it would all be gray. But her mom's picture on the wall, reminds her it's not so bad.
(Then he also wrote this: A gangster comes in and points a gun toward her. Boom! Martha was gone cold.)

5. Dogs or cats. Please explain.
a) While a dog is trying to comfort its owner’s sorrows, a cat is just lazily laying on the sofa, thinking how it could make itself more comfortable.

6. Free topic:
a) "Dear God, I heard Mr. Haggar is going on a big date tonight with his friends. Please help Mr. Haggar to get a pretty and kind girlfriend. And please let him not to get kicked by the girl who Mr. Haggar likes, when Mr. Haggar asks her to go out. Dear God, Mr. Haggar is a humorous and well teaching teacher, therefore help him out, we pray in Jesus' name, amen."

*This is a pizza that (from right) Luke, Dan, Dave, and Dawna (and Anna, Dan's fiance)(and I) consumed. Kro's Pizza. Get to know 'em:


*This is the table at Kro's Pizza after we got done eating. Boo-yah.


*This is my front door, complete with the Minnesota Twins "Do Not Disturb" sign that my mom sent me for my birthday. Sadly, it was stolen a few days later. I cannot fathom a reason why anyone in my apartment building would have taken it.


*Here is a picture of a clear day from my apartment:


Here are some pictures of a smoggy day from my apartment:




*And here are two pictures of the street near my home around 9 p.m. Some call the lights "tacky," some call the whole thing "light pollution," but, somehow, I like 'em:




***BWYA's most notorious principal